I hear it all the time: “What if my husband doesn’t support me in…” “What if my husband doesn’t want me to…quit my job, start a home business, go back to work, homeschool the children, become Vegan?”
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus and sometimes our perspective on life can be just that opposite. This is very frustrating when married. God played a wonderfully, cruel joke on us-males and females. We can’t live without each other. We’re naturally drawn to the opposite sex (most of us). We’re compelled to get married (some of us) and yet we’re so totally opposite that we forget that we’re to be complimentary. If either gender gets bogged down in his or her beliefs we bring frustration and devastation to the relationship.
Of course we should always talk out and talk through our opposing viewpoints. We should always be willing to listen to the other side. We should come to some sort of win-win solution. But that doesn’t always work. What should you do if your husband doesn’t support you?
If you’ve been married a number of years and your spouse’s (husband or wife) decision making abilities are marred by pride, selfishness, fear, jealously, anger lack of common sense or sheer stupidity then you are right in making a decision that goes against your spouse’s decision.
That’s right I said it! Some husbands are immature. Some are irresponsible. Some are just plain lazy. Some can’t make a loving decision that honors the family because they are to caught up in their own issues. If your husband’s issues have consistently controlled his behaviors, judgments and decision making abilities, for a good number of years, and he’s not dealing with them or trying to get help, then YOU are sanctioned to make decisions that will advance the unity, health, and stability of the family.
There are some caveats to making decisions when your husband doesn’t support you:
- The decision should always be to “advance the UNITY, HEALTH and STABILITY of the family”. This is not about YOU getting what you want. There are some selfish, immature, manipulative, stupid wives out there. If you are one of them (be honest with yourself) then you DO NOT have the right to make the decisions for your family.
- You should seek a multitude of counsel. You should NOT gather your bff’s, your momma and your ex-boyfriend to get their opinions. If you’re at a cross-road and you’re going to go against the decision of your husband you need to have objective, unbiased opinions. A Clergyman/woman, a professional counselor, an experienced, wise person AND an older, wise, spiritual person. All four plus anybody in your circle that you know will be honest and upfront with you.
- Always, Always ALWAYS seek an answer from Spirit. Use prayer, meditation and fasting to guide you. The decisions that we make as parents aren’t just about us. They literally control the destiny of the children. There’s nothing worse than to see a husband and wife locked in a stalemate and the children getting beat “upside the head” with the consequences. Be guided by the Spirit of God.
- Your stance is only allowed after seeing your husband’s pattern of behavior for a number of years. You can not go into a marriage taking over, bossing him around, and dominating because YOU think HE is stupid. He shouldn’t do that to you and you definitely shouldn’t do that to him. Men need time to mature. And they need their ego stroked as they mature. As women we have the power to do this delicately and lovingly. The fearful woman who does not understand her power becomes overly aggressive. Give him his time. How much time? I don’t know. This is where you will have to use your female intuition and seek counsel.
When you need to do something that your husband doesn’t support, you can be respectful knowing that you have sought counsel from wise, spiritual leaders. You have sought counsel from The Great Spirit and God of All. You have always been deferential toward his role as the man. And now you must go forward for the unity, health and stability of the family.
I would love to hear your experience and/or thoughts.