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I Am The Queen Mother

You all know me as Lady T, The Business Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs, but at home I have a more challenging role. I am the Queen Mother, Holy Nuturer of The Children, Multi-Tasker Extraordinaire, Wiper of noses, tushies and the walls!Nuggets of wisdom part my lips, milk springs forth from my breasts (well…before my mastectomy), love and discipline radiates from my hands (yes, discipline! I said it!). Love and strength emmanates from my being. I am Expeller of generational curses and Propeller of the next generation.

Queen Mother?

Queen Mother?

Having proclaimed all of that, why can’t I get my 3yr old to stop crying!

My 4th born son is the sweetest, easiest, gentle-est child of them all! UNTIL…he gets sleepy and wants something. Then he starts crying and you CAN NOT shut him up. You can’t distract him. You can’t tickle him. You can’t hold him. You can’t threaten him. You can’t kiss him. You can’t make him laugh. You can’t give him what he wants. You can’t take away what he doesn’t. There is absolutely NOTHING (yet discovered) that can be done with him. We have all tried and believe me; he gives us the opportunity to try again often enough.

It’s very irratating (but also pretty funny) because he keeps his mouth open the ENTIRE 30-60 minutes that he’s crying. The long string of clear drool is hanging from his bottom lip and snot is sliding from his nose, around the curve of his upper lip and down into his mouth. Whatever started the upset is continuously repeated throughout the 30-60min. “I dont wanna dake off my shoes!” or “I wanna toe to MicDon-olds!” or “I want…” whatever the 5yr has.

And it goes on and on and on.

Back in the day, the child would have been spanked (whupped) and told to shut up. And the child would shut up.

But we, the New Age, New Millennium, New Aquarius, Newly Evolved and Enlightened mothers, can’t do that. We have to try to reeea-son with the small human, that doesn’t understand reasoning nor common sense, for that matter. How do you reason with a crying, snotting, drooling, wet-faced, irrational shorty who wants to take his shoes off in the dang-gone snow?!

Now, I believe in allowing the lovely children the opportunity to make new discoveries-whatever the consequences may be. If they fall and hurt themselves, they should learn The Lesson. If they bump their chins and bite their tongues, they should learn The Lesson. If they freeze their little toesies off, they should learn The Lesson. And The Lesson in my house is:

“Listen to Queen Mother! Queen Mother is always right. She is a highly insightful prophet. She can see into the future. When Queen Mother says, ‘no’, ‘stop’, ‘leave that alone’, you should consider her wise sayings. Or, in the name of common sense, just remember your past bumps, bruises, bitten tongues, broken toys, windows, and legs.”

But reasoning and learning The Lesson are outside of the conscious awareness of a crying 3yr old. This leaves the Rational, New Millennium, All-Wise QueenMother a small, frustrated, bewildered mommy. Once I even resorted to the Old-School method of spanking him (at the advice of my mother) but that didn’t work! He cried more intensely and I brokeout into tears. How confusing is that? What kind of Queen am I?

Dethroned, where I often am! Inwardly, affirming that I am still The Queen Mother.

To Our Mutual Success, Lady T

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