I use to ask other moms the same question.
After talking to them and living it myself I have learned that awesome moms are awesome because they live the mantra, “do what you have to do.”
You do what they have to do to ensure that your children are healthy.
You do what you have to do to make your life is drama free.
You do what you have to do to ensure the security of the future for your family.
Leave the rest up to God and let everything else fall by the wayside.
This may mean less sleep, less material possessions, less play time or even putting your dreams on hold. However, by keeping your eye on your values you will happily sacrifice those things to move your life toward your values and a happier life.
The key words there are “keeping your eye on your values.” You have to know what they are. What’s important to you? Once you decide them there are 3 things to remember.
DON’T ASSUME OTHER PEOPLES VALUES–
When determining your values you must know your WHY.
- Why do you want to lose weight?
- Why want a new house?
- Why do you want to be a stay home mom.
So many people make decisions because they have been told what they should do, be, have. Look deeply into the things that you say you value and ask yourself these 3 questions
- If I don’t get/be that thing who is going to suffer most and how? This makes you look at the persons in your life.
- Can I wait another year for that? This makes you look at your patience
- Am I willing to sacrifice for that? This helps you assess your passion
Once I had a desire to return to a size 5 and when I answered those 3 questions I came up with.
- The only person it’s going to effect is me and in no significant way.
- Nooo I want to be a size 5 NOW!
- I’m not willing to sacrifice time, sleep or food.
These answers told me that it was only wishful thinking. Wishful thinking won’t get you far Therefore I stopped walking around complaining “I’m not there yet” and envying women who were “there”. I stopped putting it on my vision board. I feel completely at peace.
Write out your values to help you stay focused on the important thing!
DON’T HANG ON TO THEM TO TIGHTLY
Once you have determined your values-what’s important to you and your family-and you are moving in that direction be prepared to change up when it’s time. You must be flexible. Seasons change. Life changes.
Often I get questions from women, in my seminars or by emails, who want to know if they should quit their job to become a stay home mom; or stop being a SAHM and go back to work or stop homeschooling and put the children in public school. Of course I can’t answer that question for them but I do tell them how to recognize when the season has changed and it’s time to release a tightly held decision or value: You lose your peace and it’s difficult to keep doing it the same way.
after homeschooling 18yrs-
I had been homeschooling for 18 years (here’s my homeschooling video) but 2 years ago it got to be “too much”. It really wasn’t (I was down to 3 kids) but it FELT like it because I was out of the homeschooling season. I was trying to grow my business and homeschool 3 little ones and wasn’t doing either effectively. After talking it over with my Pastor/Friend he suggested that I put them in school. I immediately felt at peace when the words came to my ears but my mind-with it’s tightly held beliefs-was appalled that this spiritual man would even suggest that I go against my values!
I told him I would have to pray about it.
When I discussed it with my husband I realized that he and I were both of the tightly-held-beliefs to continue homeschooling. But as I listened to him vehemently pontificate on his belief it occurred to me that we were both to closed-minded.
Anytime things aren’t working out and you defend the WHY they are that way, then you are arguing to keep them that way. And you are not open to hear God for the solution, no matter how much you say you are praying.
I called my Pastor and talked through my hesitations and concerns about putting the kids in school. He heard them out, gave me a different viewpoint and left me to decide. The thought of putting them in school, ironically gave me peace-something I had never felt before. While the thought of continuing on the way we were stressed me out. A year later I put them in.
They ABSOLUTELY love it! They all get straight A’s! They have beautifully matured! And my business has grown exponentially! I have peace. My new goal is to make more money, work less and return to homeschooling. This goal gives me peace as well.
If you hold on to tightly and try to stay during the wrong season then you will make life difficult for yourself. Do what you have to do to live your values while staying flexible as the seasons of life change.
DON’T GET CAUGHT IN THE PETTINESS
Keep your eye on your values so that you’re not allowing the challenges and pettiness of life to take you over; so that you aren’t taking on others emotions and beliefs and getting caught up in them. Especially family members.
always defending myself
I remember, years ago when I decided to homeschool, spending quite a bit of time on the phone trying to defend my decision. One relative cornered me and with partially controlled hostility asked, “Why would you deprive your child of the experiences that going to school can bring? No one did that to you! That’s a form of child abuse!”
Two years later her child was put back into 1st grade.
That’s when it occurred to me that I had wasted two years explaining and justifying my position on something that will defend itself in time.
Don’t get me wrong, helping people to understand a concept that they are not familiar with is important. But that’s not what I was doing. I was trying to get them to understand ME and MY decision.
Do what you have to to stay focused on your values and don’t get caught up in the drama or pettiness of arguing, explaining defending them.
So when I am out traveling, speaking, training, volunteering, cooking, or sitting around and reading to my babies and I am asked “how do you do it all?” I can honestly say it’s because I know what I value and I do what I have to do to make it happen.
I would love to hear from you: Are you doing what you have to do or are you just cursing along hoping that things are done for you?