You can’t have a good day with a bad attitude and you can’t have a bad day with a good attitude.
When you find yourself in a day of chaos instead of allowing your emotions to follow the chaos do these 3 things to keep control of your emotions.
- isolate yourself
- practice deep breathing (don’t hyperventilate)
- announce a powerful affirmation to the spirit world/yourself/God -”I can handle this.” “This to shall pass.” “All things will work together for my good.”
- solidify it with a prayer of Thanksgiving- “Thank you for wisdom!” “Thank you for the wonderful testimony of praise that will follow this!” ”Thank you for ordering my steps.”
- Smile- a BIG, FAKE PHONY, HAPPY SMILE- this will change your physiology.
- Move forward!
This may take 20 secs or 20 min. You may only need to do this once a day or maybe 10 times a day in order to maintain control over your emotions. It doesn’t matter just GET YOURSELF TOGETHER. Because the rest of the day will follow your emotions!
I use to ask other moms the same question.
After talking to them and living it myself I have learned that awesome moms are awesome because they live the mantra, “do what you have to do.”
You do what they have to do to ensure that your children are healthy.
You do what you have to do to make your life is drama free.
You do what you have to do to ensure the security of the future for your family.
Leave the rest up to God and let everything else fall by the wayside.
This may mean less sleep, less material possessions, less play time or even putting your dreams on hold. However, by keeping your eye on your values you will happily sacrifice those things to move your life toward your values and a happier life.
The key words there are “keeping your eye on your values.” You have to know what they are. What’s important to you? Once you decide them there are 3 things to remember.
DON’T ASSUME OTHER PEOPLES VALUES-
When determining your values you must know your WHY.
- Why do you want to lose weight?
- Why want a new house?
- Why do you want to be a stay home mom.
So many people make decisions because they have been told what they should do, be, have. Look deeply into the things that you say you value and ask yourself these 3 questions
- If I don’t get/be that thing who is going to suffer most and how? This makes you look at the persons in your life.
- Can I wait another year for that? This makes you look at your patience
- Am I willing to sacrifice for that? This helps you assess your passion
Once I had a desire to return to a size 5 and when I answered those 3 questions I came up with.
- The only person it’s going to effect is me and in no significant way.
- Nooo I want to be a size 5 NOW!
- I’m not willing to sacrifice time, sleep or food.
These answers told me that it was only wishful thinking. Wishful thinking won’t get you far Therefore I stopped walking around complaining “I’m not there yet” and envying women who were “there”. I stopped putting it on my vision board. I feel completely at peace.
Write out your values to help you stay focused on the important thing!
DON’T HANG ON TO THEM TO TIGHTLY
Once you have determined your values-what’s important to you and your family-and you are moving in that direction be prepared to change up when it’s time. You must be flexible. Seasons change. Life changes.
Often I get questions from women, in my seminars or by emails, who want to know if they should quit their job to become a stay home mom; or stop being a SAHM and go back to work or stop homeschooling and put the children in public school. Of course I can’t answer that question for them but I do tell them how to recognize when the season has changed and it’s time to release a tightly held decision or value: You lose your peace and it’s difficult to keep doing it the same way.
after homeschooling 18yrs-
I had been homeschooling for 18 years (here’s my homeschooling video) but 2 years ago it got to be “too much”. It really wasn’t (I was down to 3 kids) but it FELT like it because I was out of the homeschooling season. I was trying to grow my business and homeschool 3 little ones and wasn’t doing either effectively. After talking it over with my Pastor/Friend he suggested that I put them in school. I immediately felt at peace when the words came to my ears but my mind-with it’s tightly held beliefs-was appalled that this spiritual man would even suggest that I go against my values!
I told him I would have to pray about it.
When I discussed it with my husband I realized that he and I were both of the tightly-held-beliefs to continue homeschooling. But as I listened to him vehemently pontificate on his belief it occurred to me that we were both to closed-minded.
Anytime things aren’t working out and you defend the WHY they are that way, then you are arguing to keep them that way. And you are not open to hear God for the solution, no matter how much you say you are praying.
I called my Pastor and talked through my hesitations and concerns about putting the kids in school. He heard them out, gave me a different viewpoint and left me to decide. The thought of putting them in school, ironically gave me peace-something I had never felt before. While the thought of continuing on the way we were stressed me out. A year later I put them in.
They ABSOLUTELY love it! They all get straight A’s! They have beautifully matured! And my business has grown exponentially! I have peace. My new goal is to make more money, work less and return to homeschooling. This goal gives me peace as well.
If you hold on to tightly and try to stay during the wrong season then you will make life difficult for yourself. Do what you have to do to live your values while staying flexible as the seasons of life change.
DON’T GET CAUGHT IN THE PETTINESS
Keep your eye on your values so that you’re not allowing the challenges and pettiness of life to take you over; so that you aren’t taking on others emotions and beliefs and getting caught up in them. Especially family members.
always defending myself
I remember, years ago when I decided to homeschool, spending quite a bit of time on the phone trying to defend my decision. One relative cornered me and with partially controlled hostility asked, “Why would you deprive your child of the experiences that going to school can bring? No one did that to you! That’s a form of child abuse!”
Two years later her child was put back into 1st grade.
That’s when it occurred to me that I had wasted two years explaining and justifying my position on something that will defend itself in time.
Don’t get me wrong, helping people to understand a concept that they are not familiar with is important. But that’s not what I was doing. I was trying to get them to understand ME and MY decision.
Do what you have to to stay focused on your values and don’t get caught up in the drama or pettiness of arguing, explaining defending them.
So when I am out traveling, speaking, training, volunteering, cooking, or sitting around and reading to my babies and I am asked “how do you do it all?” I can honestly say it’s because I know what I value and I do what I have to do to make it happen.
I would love to hear from you: Are you doing what you have to do or are you just cursing along hoping that things are done for you?
Don’t we just love Christmas? With friends and family around, food and fun and parties to go to, how could you not love Christmas?
Sadly to say, Christmas becomes a season of stress for moms because they put too much pressure on themselves. They go broke trying to outdo last holiday season, or decorate better than their neighbors and heavens forbid if they don’t buy hundreds of new toys for the children who have been receiving toys all year long anyway.
Many have forgotten that a few years back kids receiving toys was a rare treat, so showering them on Christmas day was truly special. The same as watching cartoons; it was rare to see a cartoon so on Saturdays it was a special treat to lay around all morning and watch cartoons. Now you can see cartoons 24/7/365 but parents still allow their children to lie around like it’s special (in the process creating kids with mushy brains).
Instead of buying more toys and expensive Christmas gifts that causes you to go broke, the best thing we can do for ourselves and our children is to create special memories. Just think about your fondest childhood Christmas memory. What was it? Well I’ve got to be honest it was ripping open toys, playing with my Baby Alive one year and my roller derby roller skates, with the metal wheels another year; but that was because we were poor and didn’t receive toys throughout the year.
However, I also remember making Christmas cards for my siblings out of our school notebook paper and getting frustrated that it wouldn’t stand stiff like the store-bought cards. I remember one year I stole one of my big sister’s shoe and my baby sister’s favorite jeans. I wrapped them and put them under the tree. Every morning I giggled like crazy as they both searched high & low looking for their things. I took particular delight in watching my oldest sister hobbling around with one shoe on looking for the other shoe with hot, angry tears streaming down her face! LOL! Yeah…she wasn’t too happy when she opened her Christmas gift and saw that it was the shoe that she cried about for weeks. The memory of her face still makes me ROFLOL!
For most of us, our fondest Christmas memories didn’t cost money; so when you are planning your family’s holiday season, take time to plan memories can be made that will last a lifetime and wont cause you to go broke. Here’s how:
- Make Christmas cookies as a family. This is a well-loved and age-old tradition that all kids LOVE. It will require some organization on your part but if you invite grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles or cousins it will be something the kids will never forget! Personally I like home-made cookies but if you want to cut down on the messiness use the refrigerated cookie dough; it’s great for the really young ones. Don’t forget the icing and sprinkles.
- Make gifts. As a family, you can each make gifts for each other. Instead of spending tons of money, encourage everyone to get creative. Your children can make artwork, crafts; even sing a song as a gift.
- Help others. There are always ways to participate in food drives and other charitable activities around the holidays. Show your kids that it’s not only nice to help others, but it can be fun, too.
- Tell/read holiday stories. Gather everyone together and read or tell stories that are a part of your holiday tradition. Purchase a storybook, for example, The Night Before Christmas, with wonderful illustrations and read it to your kids with real excitement. They’ll love it!
- Make a big deal out of decorating. When we decorate we turn on the Christmas music make cookies & drink egg nog. We do NOT start decorating until all of those are in place. You can even let the kids have their own area to decorate – like the holiday tree, or the front entrance or the mantle. Don’t forget to take photos.
- Go shopping 2 days after Christmas! Whatever you want to buy for your family it will be 50% off just a few days later. If you can resist the cultural pressure you can have a very inexpensive Christmas by waiting just a few days.
I decided years ago that I would not spend Christmas like most. When it’s over you don’t want to be broke and tired and frustrated with ungrateful kids who have broken up half the toys before the week was out. Most gifts aren’t remembered through the years, although of course, some very special ones might be. More often, it’s the time spent with family and friends, the laughter and the togetherness. Don’t go broke this Christmas create memories instead. Your kids will remember family holidays as some of the very best times of their lives, and so will you.
Mompreneurs don’t get to exercise often, so when we do, we really have to make it work. On the rare occasion that I exercise, I walk through this small business park that is surrounded by a wooded area. One day I noticed that several of the trees were pecan trees. So this past Saturday I went to pick pecans and had some wonderful revelations about small business.
1. There is enough for everyone.
Pecans fall freely on the ground and are enjoyed by humans, squirrels, chipmunks, deer, insects and many other animals yet there are still enough to grow more trees. The leaves and bark have been used medicinally as an astringent. The husk is a natural cure for poison ivy; the wood for flooring, baseball bats and furniture.
There is enough for everyone. Mentally scrap the old paradigm of competition. There is none. This idea was created by greedy, fearful, corporate conglomerate that chose to monopolize and mass produce. Mentally align yourself with the nature of this God created Universe; THERE IS ENOUGH. There are enough clients for YOU and enough for the other mompreneurs in your industry- if they are providing real benefit and value to people.
Think about it how much money you need in a year to reach your financial goals? Maybe for you it’s not yet about the money; maybe you just want to feel like you’re in business. How many clients do you need to generate that feeling for yourself? 2? 20? 120? They are out there and plenty more.
2. You have to work for your success.
Even though the trees were blooming with pecans and they fell freely I still had to work for them. I was out there for 90 minutes, raking through leaves that camouflaged fallen pecans perfectly! I threw sticks at the trees to get them to fall. I jumped (and missed) the low hanging ones. I picked up and brushed off each and every individual pecan that I carried away. And once home, I still had to crack open and pick out each and every individual pecan that I ate.
You have to work. Mompreneurs, contrary to what the gurus might tell you, “just put up a website and start making money”; a real business will require patience and hard work! It may take a while before you enjoy the fruits of your labor. So work hard and be patient.
HOW TO APPLY:
Do you find yourself frustrated, jealous and hesitating because so many seem to be prospering more than you? Keep your eyes on your work; stay focused on your goals and work your plan. Success will come! Until then, pay attention to what you are learning and the character traits that you are developing. Remember, mompreneur that you are building a legacy for your children and that entails more than making money. It also includes life lessons that your children are watching and participating and celebrating as you build your business.
Therefore enjoy the journey.
3. Connect with others
During my pecan picking period my only regret was that I didn’t bring someone with me. I was challenged every time I threw the stick at the tree because several pecans would fall and I had to keep my eye on the stick to see where it hit while, at the same time, using my peripheral vision to see where the pecans fell and rolled. As I walked toward one pecan I would have to keep my eyes on the 3 different spots that the other 3 pecans rolled. Magically, as I approached it I realize that it was perfectly camouflaged among the leaves. After searching for that one I would then have to remember where the other 3 pecans fell and then start the search all over again.
Take somebody with you. You can’t see everything. Having a coach, a partner or a mentor is invaluable! Even a network of online buddies who look out for you can be crucial because they can help you see things that you don’t see to easily. Having someone to tell you that your website isn’t easy to navigate or it has broken links, having someone recommend you for an award or promote you to their list are examples of taking “someone with you”.
Connect, connect, connect. Establish a network that you support and one that supports you. Your connections should consist of real friends but don’t’ be afraid to connect with people online who are up & coming, honest and willing to work hard.
I would love to come along with you and help you grow your business. It’s not easy out there by yourself and it’s always more fun with friends. Contact me before the year is out and I’ll put you on my schedule for next year. We’ll get you progressing stronger and with better focus!Email me: LadyT at TheBusinessCoachforMoms.com